Last night I "had" to attend VIRTUS training through the Green Bay Archdiocese. All volunteers and staff are required to attend this training if they will be working with children. And, if I was going to be able to volunteer at her new school, I needed to attend. It was 3 1/2 hours long and I had NO idea what to expect. I admit, I went dreading this. After all, it wasn't like I had nothing else to do! It is designed to help adults protect kids from sexual abuse. What I took away from it was incredible. I really think ALL parents should attend something like this. It is free and most Catholic churches will have the training or be able to tell you where you can receive it. The information presented was very disturbing and stirred up a variety of emotions. I stayed up last night due to anxiety with the realization that it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to keep your kids away from these predators, due to anger that people think this behavior is right, and due to the empowerment I now have to protect my children (and all children) from this awful, awful thing.
They showed two videos that included testimony from actual victims and PREDATORS! There were two predators that, as part of their sentencing guidelines, had to participate. Absolutely MIND BLOWING. They explained how they preyed, the number of victims (one of them had 350+!!!!), how they rationalized it in their mind….I sat there wanting to jump across the screen and beat them up!
It was such valuable information that I wanted to share it with you! All the information presented here is directly from the VIRTUS training.
ALARMING STATISTICS
One out of every five adult women and one out of every 10 adult male say they were molested as children (this is only those that have chosen to report it)
Most perpetrators are known and trusted by kids/parents (only 11% committed by strangers)
If a child reports sexual abuse, believe them!! Less than 1% are false allegations.
The largest group of perpetrators: 18-35 years old, adult male, married and with children
One of the victims testified about being molested by her female English teacher. At this point I started to feel that you could trust NO ONE!!! One of the perpetrators said he was always putting himself in situations where he could be around kids. He took a gig as santa and would fondle kids on his lap. He owned a roller rink and would take pictures of young girls. He would use his kids to lure other children to his house (especially for sleep overs). The amount of planning, scheming, calculating, and justifications these perverts do is extremly disturbing on so many levels. They said that they usually didn't just jump in and molest a kid. They would often test the waters to see how much they could get away with. It would start as a simple touch or mention of an inappropriate comment. If the child seemed to be curious or not offended, they would press further the next time.
KNOW THE WARNING SIGNS (to help recognize early indications that someone may be engaging in an inappropriate relationship)
1. an adult who ALWAYS wants to be alone with the kids or who seems to enjoy kids way more than adults. The group facilitator mentioned a situation where a man always requested to spend time with this family's daughter and never wanted to take the son anywhere. RED FLAG!!!
2. Gives gifts without permission and/or asking the child not to tell their parents about the gift
3. Always touching or tickling
4. Don't think the rules apply to them and encourage the victims to break the rules
5. Lets the kids get away with things they know the parents don't. This tries to manipulate the children into spending more time with them.
6. showing them pornography or other inappropriate materials. This tricks the child into being aroused.
7. Singling out certain kids and giving them special privileges.
CONTROL ACCESS
Child molesters need to have alone time with a child to commit their crime. Create an environment where this is impossible!
--identify secluded areas at church, daycare, school etc where this could happen (unsecured stairwell, doors without windows on them, etc)
-- lock empty rooms and know who has the keys
-- do not permit children to enter staff-only areas
-- meet with children only in areas where other adults can pass by
-- have supervisors look in on activities and programs on a regular basis
-- make sure enough adults are involved in programs (the Archdiocese of Green Bay has a policy that 1 adult is present for every 6 kids involved in trips/activities)
--lock the computer and TV when you are not home. Internet is a huge playground for the predators. This one mom at my table said that her children are only allowed to use the computer when they are around. They have a lock on it and the TV and will only unlock it when they are home. And, keep the computer in common areas. ABSOLUTELY NO computer in a child's bedroom.
-- Regularly review your childs facebook page and internet sites. They also encouraged you to look regularly at their phone and the photos.
BE AWARE
Parents are the "ultimate educators of their children." We must regularly talk to, listen to, and observe our children if we are to be alert to the subtle signs of possible problems. Talk frequently to the children about their interaction with other adults (friend's parents, teachers, etc) as a way to pick up differences in a way they would talk about a perpetrator if they were being victimized. Watch for changes in body language or abrupt changes in hygiene. Teach children about their bodies, using proper terminology. The facilitator mentioned one woman who did not feel comfortable using the term "vagina" with her daughter. So she told her it was her special cookie. The problem arose when this daughter was being molested on the school bus and stated that "so-and-so was touching her cookie." Her mother thought it was the food cookie. Imagine the pain of this girl thinking her mother did not care.
Discuss how some people will take advantage of them and make them realize that on the internet, NOTHING is private! Tell them never to share their address, where they go to school, name of their town, etc.
Be present. Be involved. Be protective. Look for red flags and speak up!
So, I came home and googled "child sex predators in wisconsin." Talk about a way to not be able to get to sleep!!! They have the registry of all registered sex offenders in the state. You can search by name and/or address. I typed in our address and put the search criteria at 1 mile radius. We have 15 living in a one mile radius of our house!! YIKES!! At this point, I was texting my friend Mary, who was also at the training and looked up her address. She has 8. We looked up the school address….27 sex offenders live within one mile of the school!!!! DOUBLE YIKES!!! I thought there was a distance restriction with schools and daycares. I was wrong. Apparently, when they are released from prison, a Community Corrections Agent does a residence investigation. They do look at location to daycares, schools, etc. But by design, these types of establishments are located conveniently throughout the community. They try to balance community safely, family support, employment, and a stable residence as a way to foster postive changes in the offender. I would love to see the statistics of how many of these perverts never committ again after being incarcerated. I doubt it is many.
For me…I am going to be that helicoptor mom. I won't let my child do sleep overs unless we know the family VERY well. I will be outside when they are outside. I will be present.
